A relationship is characterised by 4 layers. Each layer leads onto to the next:
- The first layer is Understanding
Understanding has a very powerful meaning. It is about understanding your partner’s weaknesses, their unique needs and the areas they need help with and your assistance.
For example, if our partner does not feel secure and confident in the relationship, then we need to be aware of it. We can strengthen this feeling within them by hugging them a lot and telling them frequently that we love them. We rarely put this type of effort into truly understanding those we love even though it is an essential aspect of a successful relationship.
- The second layer is Adjustment
By adjusting ourselves to the needs of our partner we can help them to overcome their specific anxieties and fears.
For example, let’s say that our partner has anxiety about having a party. They worry about whether enough people will come and whether the party will be a success.
In this case despite the fact that we are not anxious about this, we adjust ourselves to help our partner overcome their anxieties and fears. For example, We can call the guests to confirm their attendance and be the welcoming host for the guests. All this will remove the other person’s worries and create much more harmony in all ways.
- The 3rd layer is Compromise
This means that you compromise your needs and wishes in order to have a good relationship with your partner. For example, Mary likes to go out on Saturdays to the shops and eat in nice restaurants. She has worked from home all week on her own and wants to see what is happening in the centre of town. She loves the hustle and bustle of the city and she loves experiencing it with John because they have such little time together. John has worked in the city all week and just wants to chill out at home on Saturdays. He wants to enjoy his garden and ride his bike in the local fields with Mary. Instead of arguing each weekend about what they are going to do, they understand each other’s preferences and are able to adjust and compromise for each other. So they now always alternate their Saturdays between being at home and in the city. In this way they both win and there is never an argument about this.
- The 4th layer is Sacrifice
Sometimes we sacrifice ourselves for our partner. If a partner becomes unwell then we sacrifice our time for them. Another example is supporting your partner and looking after the children so they can study at University, sacrificing your desire to study at the same time. When it comes to your turn to study, your partner will do the same for you.
By deeply understanding these 4 layers and how each one leads to the next, we can identify how to create a relationship that can be defined as being filled with Love.
In the KaarmiBeing workshop we go deeply into each layer and discuss live examples of how this can be implemented in each of our relationships. The increase of wellbeing that this creates and harmony in the home is worth every moment of effort.